Understanding Grief and Loss
When we think of grief and loss, we often think of the physical loss of a person. However, grief and loss may occur anytime there is a significant change in your life such as:
With these lifestyle changes, we may encounter challenges such as adjustment issues (adapting to a new lifestyle that is different, as well as, uncomfortable) and depression (mourning the lifestyle that has been lost). In essence, we are grieving.
Below I have listed the “Ten Stages of Grief” from Granger E. Westberg’s, Good Grief (1971). These stages are meant to help an individual identify feelings that he or she may be experiencing while coping with a significant loss.
Stage 1: State of Shock – When the loss is significant, we are sometimes numbed in our response; this may last anywhere from a few minutes to a few days.
Stage 2: Express Emotion – As the shock begins to dissipate, sometimes there is an uncontrollable urge to express grief. Emotions may be expressed in a number of ways (anger, tears, etc.).
Stage 3: Feel Depressed and Very Lonely – During this stage we may feel as though no one has ever grieved as we have grieved; this thought can sometimes cause us to isolate or withdraw from others.
Stage 4: May Experience Physical Symptoms of Distress – One of the primary reasons that this may happen is unresolved grief. Examples of physical symptoms that may occur: headaches and digestive problems.
Stage 5: May Become Panicky or Anxious – This occurs because no matter how hard we try to move past the lost, we can think of nothing else. Because we are preoccupied with the loss, it becomes hard to concentrate and we may become forgetful. As a result, we may become concerned about our mental wellness. When in reality, this is part of the process.
Stage 6: Feel a Sense of Guilt about the Loss – In this stage, we may feel that we have contributed to the loss.
Stage 7: We are filled with Anger and Resentment – In this stage, one of the primary questions that may be asked, “Why did this happen to me?” We may also begin to accuse others of being at fault for our loss. Note: While resentment is normal during the grieving process, it is not encouraged.
Stage 8: We Resist Returning – In some instances, we may resist returning to “life as usual.” This may occur because we have become comfortable with our grief and may feel uncomfortable returning to a “new unpredictable world.”
Since others have returned to normal activities, we continue to feel as though we must bear our loss alone.
Stage 9: Gradually Hope comes Through – In this stage, we begin to embrace the idea of re-entering life. We gradually begin to feel “normal.”
Stage 10: We Struggle to Affirm Reality – We find that we can actually live in the world again.
Everyone grieves differently. The sequence of the stages, the length of time one grieves, and the number of stages that one needs to process grief may differ for each individual.
The Take Away
Understanding and recognizing the stages of grief can help you understand that many of your feelings and emotions are normal when dealing with a significant loss. However, if you have any questions and concerns about the grieving process, it is always best to consult a therapist who specializes in bereavement counseling. Remember, grief and loss is a part of everyone’s life. Believe it or not, it can make you a stronger and emotionally healthier person in the end.
- “Empty Nest Syndrome;”
- Sudden Termination from Job;
- Retirement (Forced or Planned);
- Divorce or Separation;
- Loss of good health/Diagnosis of chronic medical issues;
- Reduction in Finances; and
- Re-entering Society (e.g., military transitioning from military life to civilian life).
With these lifestyle changes, we may encounter challenges such as adjustment issues (adapting to a new lifestyle that is different, as well as, uncomfortable) and depression (mourning the lifestyle that has been lost). In essence, we are grieving.
Below I have listed the “Ten Stages of Grief” from Granger E. Westberg’s, Good Grief (1971). These stages are meant to help an individual identify feelings that he or she may be experiencing while coping with a significant loss.
Stage 1: State of Shock – When the loss is significant, we are sometimes numbed in our response; this may last anywhere from a few minutes to a few days.
Stage 2: Express Emotion – As the shock begins to dissipate, sometimes there is an uncontrollable urge to express grief. Emotions may be expressed in a number of ways (anger, tears, etc.).
Stage 3: Feel Depressed and Very Lonely – During this stage we may feel as though no one has ever grieved as we have grieved; this thought can sometimes cause us to isolate or withdraw from others.
Stage 4: May Experience Physical Symptoms of Distress – One of the primary reasons that this may happen is unresolved grief. Examples of physical symptoms that may occur: headaches and digestive problems.
Stage 5: May Become Panicky or Anxious – This occurs because no matter how hard we try to move past the lost, we can think of nothing else. Because we are preoccupied with the loss, it becomes hard to concentrate and we may become forgetful. As a result, we may become concerned about our mental wellness. When in reality, this is part of the process.
Stage 6: Feel a Sense of Guilt about the Loss – In this stage, we may feel that we have contributed to the loss.
Stage 7: We are filled with Anger and Resentment – In this stage, one of the primary questions that may be asked, “Why did this happen to me?” We may also begin to accuse others of being at fault for our loss. Note: While resentment is normal during the grieving process, it is not encouraged.
Stage 8: We Resist Returning – In some instances, we may resist returning to “life as usual.” This may occur because we have become comfortable with our grief and may feel uncomfortable returning to a “new unpredictable world.”
Since others have returned to normal activities, we continue to feel as though we must bear our loss alone.
Stage 9: Gradually Hope comes Through – In this stage, we begin to embrace the idea of re-entering life. We gradually begin to feel “normal.”
Stage 10: We Struggle to Affirm Reality – We find that we can actually live in the world again.
Everyone grieves differently. The sequence of the stages, the length of time one grieves, and the number of stages that one needs to process grief may differ for each individual.
The Take Away
Understanding and recognizing the stages of grief can help you understand that many of your feelings and emotions are normal when dealing with a significant loss. However, if you have any questions and concerns about the grieving process, it is always best to consult a therapist who specializes in bereavement counseling. Remember, grief and loss is a part of everyone’s life. Believe it or not, it can make you a stronger and emotionally healthier person in the end.
D.N.SEWELL, PHD, LCSW
DECEMBER 1, 2014
DECEMBER 1, 2014
